i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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