They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
