FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
