If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
