Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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