i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
