Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
