Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
