so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
