Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
