$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
