WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I lost the right to judge tonight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
