Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
