Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
