Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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