How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
