He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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