I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
