my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
