wanna go halves on a baby?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
