he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
