I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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