My balls are so social today.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
