She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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