Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
