i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
