I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
