I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
