If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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