Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
