He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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