We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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