my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm like, not good at living.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
