What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
