would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
