u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
