It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
