Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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