she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
