what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
