It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
