it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
