I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
