I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
