I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
