I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
