you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
