How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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