Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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