Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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