First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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