he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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